Couples must take up premarital training course before marriage

On March 26 of this year, the arrangements for khul’ from marriage (a form of divorce initiated by the wife) in the Kingdom were changed, and its lawsuit was canceled from the Najiz platform, which provides more than 140 judicial e-services covering courts, legal enforcement and notarization and is linked to the Saudi Ministry of Justice.

Before this date, khul’ was treated as a case, and this coincided with the issuance of the Personal Status Law, more than two years ago. These cases were moved with the knowledge of the wife, the judgment was usually issued in her favor, and the husband’s opinion was not taken account of.

After the amendments in late March, the case became a mere routine administrative procedure, starting with the filling out of an electronic form by the wife, and financially compensating the husband for the dowry. It is not documented and does not become effective unless both spouses agree, meaning that the husband’s acceptance of khul’ is a prerequisite for its completion, in the same way as agreeing to a lease contract. This new development benefits both parties, unless the husband refuses, in which case it is referred to the court and treated as a judicial dispute.

I believe that it came as a reaction to the record increase in khul’ cases, especially during the first quarter of this year, between January and March 2024. The Ministry of Justice recorded more than 36,000 khul’ cases in the Kingdom during that time, compared to 52 cases in 2022, and the difference between the numbers is huge.

American psychologist John Gottman noted in a study that in 81 percent of marriages where one party holds all the power, they do not last long. The controlling party is not concerned about losing the one they control and focuses solely on their own gains.

The situation described by Gottman mirrors the reality faced by Saudi women before their empowerment and financial and professional independence. Khul’, in many cases, represents a form of revenge against husbands for their past treatment of their wives. 

However, this does not justify women’s extreme behavior toward men, such as celebrating khul’ and announcing it on social media, or being influenced by the fabricated perfectionism portrayed by social media influencers, and imitating their behavior.

These actions have contributed to the increase in khul’ cases. It is important to remember that people are not angels, and husbands cannot be the only devils in the relationship. When subjected to certain pressures, anyone can become difficult to live with.

The idea of marrying for love is only 200 years old; it does not encompass the concept of Arabian platonic love, nor the love of concubines and slaves, as these relationships were not considered marriages unless they resulted in pregnancy and childbirth.

Stephanie Coontz says in her book “Marriage, A History” that marriage used to strengthen ties between tribes and families to achieve mutual interests.

Previous civilizations dealt with marriage in different ways. The Greeks viewed it as madness, while in China a man’s most important emotional relationship was with his parents. The Romans forbade a man from kissing his wife in public, and such behavior could lead to dismissal from work. In medieval Europe, a wife was not allowed to pamper her husband as this would be considered disrespectful and a sign that she was not in control.

Khul’ in Islam does not equate to hatred after love. It is closer to a feeling of aversion toward the husband himself, as in the case of the wife of Thabit ibn Qais, one of Prophet Muhammad’s companions, who requested khul’, which was approved by the Prophet.

Some Saudi youth who are of marriageable age are currently experiencing psychological concerns known as “divorce phobia” or “khul’ phobia.” They would prefer to marry non-employed women because they perceive them as less demanding and believe that working women are not secure partners and might seek divorce for trivial reasons, or for the sake of showing off and asserting control.

The hope is that the conditional judicial procedure, which requires the husband’s consent, will alleviate these fears. As a precautionary measure, men are advised to keep receipts of all their wives’ purchases so that they can reclaim them in the event of divorce.

In reality, divorce and khul’ are not considered a deficiency in the rights of men, and they are not included in their official records as they are for women. Some khul’ cases are accepted to alleviate harm, and it differs from annulment, which only occurs in the presence of legitimate defects in the husband, such as inability to provide financial support, failure to fulfill marital duties, or drug addiction.

Consequently, divorce negatively impacts women more than men, especially considering that 60 percent of inmates in observation or correctional facilities worldwide under the age of 18 come from unstable families or those which have experienced divorce.

Facilitating the khul’ process was intended to prevent cases of manipulated women left unmarried or divorced.

In my opinion, it is imperative to hold mandatory premarital training courses for couples, as is done with premarital medical examinations. These courses should include two reports: the first to prove the husband’s financial solvency, and the second to confirm that both parties are free from mental illnesses. The husband and wife would then be granted a marriage license after passing these courses, and no marriage contract would be concluded without it.

It would be most appropriate to manage the entire matter in government centers equipped for the purpose, with the knowledge of licensed specialists and under the direct and continuous supervision of the ministries of justice, health, and human resources, along with the Saudi Central Bank.

• Dr. Bader bin Saud is a columnist for Al-Riyadh newspaper, a media and knowledge management researcher, and the former deputy commander of the Special Forces for Hajj and Umrah in Saudi Arabia. X: @BaderbinSaud.